Why I chose to stop making NSFW content

If you’d asked me a few years ago what I spent much of my free time doing with my fursuit, the answer would be very different from what you see from me today.

I’ll admit that I used to genuinely enjoy making high quality free “content” for people to enjoy. At the time, it was exciting. It felt creative, validating, and honestly just fun. But over time, that excitement slowly faded away.

As uploads became less frequent, I blamed it on not having enough hours in the day. Looking back now, I don’t think that was really the reason. I think it was burnout mixed with pressure to stay consistent, alongside some deeper personal struggles involving my body image and self-esteem.

I had friends on both sides of the fence. Some supported what I was doing and encouraged it, while others warned me it would eventually lead to pain or heartache. I think it was just one of those experiences I had to figure out for myself.

In the end, both sides were right.

I did enjoy creating the videos at the time. Some memories attached to them are still positive. But eventually the entire thing started to feel shallow to me. It became something that demanded a lot of time and emotional energy while giving very little back in return. There were periods where I felt lonely, depressed, and disconnected from people around me. Some of the relationships and attention I received felt rooted more in vanity than genuine connection, and when I really needed support, a lot of that attention disappeared.

That said, not every connection was negative. Some friendships that began during that period of my life are still strong today. But as time passes, I think those friendships survived because they naturally grew into something real outside of the content itself.

Over the last few years, I’ve found much more fulfillment in other parts of the fandom and community. Dancing, running events, partying with close friends, traveling, making music, and simply existing around people I genuinely care about has brought me far more happiness than creating NSFW content ever did.

What surprises me most is that some of my newer close friends don’t even know I used to make that kind of content at all.

And honestly? That realization hit me harder than I expected.

The people closest to me today support me regardless. They don’t care whether I make NSFW content or not. They care about me as a person. Realizing that made me question how important content creation really was to my identity in the first place.

Last week, I made a statement addressing the people still waiting for “the next video.” The response was overwhelmingly positive. I heard from multiple people who told me they felt relieved seeing someone openly make the same choice they had either considered or already made themselves.

One part of that statement especially stuck with me:

I’m also dealing with repairs on my fursuit that I can’t even afford, and I’m embarrassed with how visible the SPH is on my bodysuit.

That part is difficult to admit publicly, but it’s true.

When I watch videos of myself dancing or just being goofy in suit, my eyes immediately get drawn back to it. Every single time. It reminds me of a version of myself I no longer connect with, and it does make me sad. Sometimes I even edit photos afterward just to remove the zipper entirely because I hate seeing it so much.

It feels like carrying around a permanent reminder of a chapter of my life that I’ve already mentally moved on from but physically can’t escape yet.

For anyone considering making the same decision, I’m not going to tell you what’s right or wrong. I don’t regret the experience entirely. In some ways, I think I needed it. I needed to explore it for myself instead of wondering “what if…” forever.

The friends who predicted years ago that I’d eventually end up feeling this way were probably right. But I still think I had to learn it firsthand.

At this point in my life, I just have different goals and different ambitions. For me personally, they no longer align with that side of the fandom.

The next time cameras are pointed at me, I’d rather be dancing, I’d rather be giving a speech.

I’d rather be helping organize an event, working with a charity or doing something meaningful with my time.

I’d rather lift someone up with my voice than lift their tail haha.

This isn’t really a sad decision for me, and honestly it wasn’t even a hard one. It just feels necessary.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. This post was harder to write than most of my others because some people genuinely had no idea this part of my life even existed. In a weird way, this is also me publicly acknowledging that the media exists in the first place, and maybe that’ll haunt me someday. I hope it doesn’t.

But I’d rather be honest with myself and the people around me than pretend otherwise.

Cheers everybody,

-dird