January Ups and Downs

This month has been incredibly stressful for me.  Financially, losing my job in November is finally starting to hit me hard.  Especially after my trip to California earlier this month to visit a close relative who has been battling pancreatic cancer for the last two or so years.  I felt like this trip was necessary though, as it would be the last time I believe I would see them alive.  That’s hard to cope with, and it’s not like I could do much while I was there.  Hanging out and making up for lost time was difficult when they couldn’t walk with ease, and were so medicated, eyes rolled back in their head as if slipping from consciousness.  It’s hard to cope with that, I imagine.  All the memories I have of us together are fun ones when I was small.  I should have kept in better contact, and I believe it will be one of my biggest regrets going forward from here.  Why did I become so elusive.  I focused more of my time going to furry cons and doing the things I wanted to instead of spending it with family that should have been more important to me.  Ack…  It’s not about me anyway… 

I guess we can all do better, and try to focus our attention on things that are actually important instead of the superficial stuff.  I was reminded of this at a wedding I went to once.  Another thought that came through my head today, was the wedding.  I feel like I need to apologize for my actions then.  Short version of that story, a time when I was not humble.

I had sold my FJ Cruiser a few years ago, and I used the money to fund a trip while I was out of work and waiting for a settlement from a bad accident I had.  

During the trip, I was invited, or maybe I just invited myself to a wedding that my friends were having.  Everything was fine for a while, but at one point, I began to talk about how much money I made on the sale of my truck to the bride and a group of other friends.  I was happy that I hadn’t lost too much on a truck I had for over 5 years, but I didn’t think at that moment, it was not my day.  It was not my day to sit there and talk about myself or money, but there I was doing just that.  A few moments into me explaining this, the bride says to me, “It’s nothing compared to this, right?” or something along those lines.  That’s when it clicked.  There I was, talking about my life, at her wedding.  How disrespectful and rude…  I didn’t know what to say after that, so I just kind of chuckled it away.

It’s moments like these I feel like I should apologize for, and writing it down here reminds me I need to humble myself a bit more.  I have a lot of wrongs that need fixing, a lot of debts to pay, and a lot of action that needs to be taken to do better.  I will talk about these on here from time to time, and also try my hardest to do better and correct those wrongs.

Thanks to all who read this! 

-Kai