I ain’t man enough.

Today, I have been extremely down.  There’s some good things that happened in the last few days.  Actually, most of the things that have happened to me in the last few days have been pretty good.  My wife is doing better, my job is going great, I actually won some performance awards last week which was exciting.  I did manage to get a MadeFurYou Fursuit slot.

But I am sad, still.  My close relative hasn’t responded to my messages lately.  I understand they’re now on hospice care with cancer.  Last I saw them (one month ago), they weren’t very responsive.  I don’t think they have very long, and it is eating me up.  Another one of my family members went to visit them, ended up catching covid during the trip and is now in critical condition on a ventilator.  The doctors said yesterday they don’t think that they will survive.  This is devastating to this side of the family, potentially leaving only one other left alive.  Two would be taken by cancer before the age of 50, one from covid.  It’s on my mind a lot…

Making matters worse are my tenants.  It makes me hate being a landlord.  Honestly, I just want everyone to be happy and healthy, and I want to be the BEST to them.  They’re all my friends.  Somehow, one of them decided to spend all of their money on expensive things they don’t need, and they stopped paying the internet bill at the rental house.  This in turn, got the internet shut off, and with that, other tenants not being able to work or go to school.  I had to cover the bill.

I am not a rich person, I don’t make any money on that property, in fact I lose money every month to make it fair for them during these tough times.  I simply cannot afford to cover for them all the time, especially when it’s thrown on me suddenly like this was.  The tenant already owes me well over one thousand dollars for helping them with their credit card payment and covering their rent.  I would be totally okay with this normally if I didn’t know for a fact they have been spending money on fun things, video games and electronics in the meantime.

I am not man enough.  Today, I want to sit here and cry.  Today, I want to let it all out.  Some affection would be nice.  Someone to give me a hug.  Someone to tell me it’s going to be okay.  I am falling hard, but I will keep my head up high.

Until next time

-Kai